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Thought of starting with something big for my first bollywood film review and found Ra.One to be the most apt choice.After all,it was the return of the Badshah of Bollywood to the big screen  after a huge gap of  21 months.Ra.One is also the most expensive bollywood film made till date,so naturally i had gigantic expectations.So,did the film stood unto my expectations .Well, I would say about that a little later,let’s start with the film’s storyline first[ it does have one].

The film starts with a scientific press meeting in which Jenny [Shahana Goswami] introduces to the media her company ‘Barron Industries’ latest technology, which proposes to dissolve the boundaries between the virtual and the real world.Our Hero Sheekharr Subramaniam [Srk] also works in the same company and designs  video games for kids.Although these people working in this company are supposedly very intelligent and brainy , their actions seems to suggest otherwise.All they do is crack some lame jokes like’ calling their Chinese colleague JACKIE CHAN,at which he gets very angry and starts beating up people’ or Throwing keys into a woman cloth’s and then try to retrieve it from from her.’This last mentioned very funny act[At least Srk thought so]  is carried by our hero himself albeit unsuccesfully.[I do not think that you thought he would be successful] .In fact all the people working in the company ,except for jenny,behave more like nursery school students than working professionals.But i do not blame them,since the company’s head Mr.Barron [Dilip Tahil] takes the cake in the stupidity department in this company of idiots.[Imagine a boss of a big company saying that he would close his company down and then open  a South-indian restuarant in which all his former employees would serve as waiters and cooks and the cook to be appointed[our hero] replies that he would be able to cook all the dishes except for idlis as he doesn’t how to make them.]

Back at our hero’s home ,things are even more idiotic.His wife Sonia [Kareena Kapoor,very pretty but visibly overacting]  is doing a thesis on Galis .She has no choice of course as Madam Kareena has to carry her abusive Golmaal legacy forward. Otherwise why would people come to watch her.You can’t offer them much skin show( this a supposedly a film meant for kids),so give them a abuse show.This thesis is supposed to result in more women power (according to the film),but what it actually leads to are some more lame jokes.

Oh! how can i forget to introduce to you this stupid couple’s very stupid progeny.This progeny,a son named  Prateek(the couple named him very correctly as he is indeed a Prateek{symbol} of his stupid parents and this stupid film), is not only foolish(like everybody else in this film) but is also a thoroughly insensitive kid.This boy loves playing video games but loves the villains more than the heroes even though he himself always plays the hero [Lucifer] in the video games and loves kicking the ass of the gaming villain.[Sorry for the foul language used but this is the language used by this 9 yr old kiddo with a weirdo hairstyle in the film].

The loving dad now makes a video game in which the villain[RANDOM ACCESS VERSION ONE or RA.ONE] is more stronger than the hero[The Good One or G.One],to impress his son and also teach him that goodness is far bigger than the evil.The son impressed,starts playing the game at the video game’s launch party.With everybody else shaking their booty to the song ‘Criminal’,this boy defeats the gaming villain at level 1[this game has 3 levels at all] but then quits the game at level 2.Of course our Villain gets super angry and decides to come out of the game to take this boy out.He kills the Jackie chan Chinese guy,then takes his form and goes out to hunt this boy Lucifer down.The terrified dad ,on coming face to face with the villain,tells  Ra.one that he is lucifer.Ra.one quickly recognises that he is lying but still kills the poor dad needlessly[ probably Ra.one also recognised the need to infuse some typical filmi emotion in this film].

This  super strong villain has only one purpose in his life , that is to find and kill Lucifer aka Prateek.Realising that his life is in danger ,the boy along with aunt Jenny,activates G.one to come to life.G.one[SRK again] does so and saves the boy from Ra.one.He also kills off Ra.one [who surrenders very tamely,which is quite strange considering that Ra.One is more powerful than G.one] for the time being.

The mother,son and the superhero come to india.This period of the film is marked by some jokes on ‘How to save a damsel in distress without touching her’,’How to defeat the bad guys by attacking their main part’,How to make people laugh by making a 9 yr old say the words-Condom,condom? and’ Power Yoga and Gay’jokes.Meanwhile,our dead Villain comes to life through an electronic poster that has a shirtless-tattoed person [Arjun Rampal] gracing the poster,takes his form and again goes out to hunt the poor boy.[All without any rhyme and reason].

The villain too comes to india and Takes the form of Madam Kareena,who then seduces our Apparently emotion less robot hero in the ‘CHHAMAK CHALLO’ song and takes both the mother and the son with him.Now,with both the mother and son in RA.One’s hands ,the mom in a Unstoppable break free train,the son captured and tied by the villain at his dera.What can our hero G.ONE do?He has to save the damsel in distress and the dude in danger from the more powerful Ra.one.What will happen now?

Of course you know what will happen now.Our hero will not only save the mom& the son but also finally defeat the villain.[there is a thing about HART & ANTI-HART GUN in this film,which would help him do so].Just as you predicted,everything falls in place after some  really good action sequences[the only high point of this film].You feel nothing after the film is over but Our dear friends have  already prepared for a sequel to this shit and hit.GOD SAVE US.

The biggest problem with this film is its pathetic and tried & tested execution.Srk forget that any good superhero film has a villain,whose prime aim is to destroy and rule over the world and not go after any single person,whom the hero fights and defeats,even though he has nothing personal against the villain.One may argue that One cannot take risks with such costly project and only offer things which the audience are liking.This might hold true for the average joe guy in bollywood,but one expects more from The Badshah.It feels even more sadder coz Srk was everywhere proclaiming that this film is going to be a path-breaker of sorts.It’s indeed path-breaking for its action sequences  but is also a path-breaker on how to make a shoddy film with so much money and resources at one’s disposal.Srk has spent a lot of money on the stunts and it shows and it is a commendable effort,but only if  the director[Anubhav Sinha,although this may have been ghost-directed by Srk himself] and the screenwriters had spent a little more brain on this film,it could have been a lot better.Music and performances are okay to bad.Another thing that irks is the constant use of foul language and  some objectionable scenes in a flick that is primarily meant for kids and family audiences.

In short a one time watch and that too only for its action sequences,cast and Chhamak Challo song.

Major cast-1] Srk-Shekhar/G.one

2] Kareena Kapoor-Sonia Subramaniam

3] Arjun Rampal-Ra.one

4] Shahana Goswami-Jenny

5] Tom Wyu-Chinese Guy

6] Sathish Shah-G.one’s Tamil neighbour

7] Armaan Verma-Shekhar’s son Prateek/Lucifer

8] Dalip Tahil-Mr.Barron

Major crew-1] Anubhav Sinha-Director&Story

2]  Mushtaq Sheikh [screenplay],Kanika Dhillon [ screenplay  & dialogues],Niranjan Iyengar [screenplay & dialogues] & SRK [screenplay]

3] Vishal-Shekhar-Music

4] V.Manikanandan & Nicola Pecorini-Cinematography

5] Sanjay Sharma-Editing

6] Sabu Cyril & Nick Dent-Art Direction

7] Manish Malhotra & Anaita Shroff-Costume Design

Trivia-1] Srk and Anubhav Sinha decided to make this film for their respective children.

2] Foreign Technicians were brought for this film.Akon,the famous international singer has sung two songs for this film.

3] Jackie Chan was earlier considered for the role of the chinese guy Akashi,but he refused to do the film.

What’s hot-The action Sequences.

What’s not-Almost everything from direction to screenplay.

Rating-2.5/5

Verdict-One-time watch.

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